Better Late Than Never? "Decide to Be Authentic - Part 2 of Chapter 2"

“For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like, Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” (1 Peter 3:5-6)

“You are her daughters.” The emphasis is on what caused the change rather than the change itself. Literally, the original means “you became her daughters”. The way we become daughters of Sarah is through a commitment, a decision, to developing the habit of doing what is right and not giving in to fear. When we obey God and focus on the internals over the externals of life, we gain a less complicated life. We become low-maintenance women.”

We often hear the term “high-maintenance woman”. I have heard some women describe themselves as “high-maintenance” and I’ve also heard other people refer to some women as “high-maintenance”. I never thought much about it because I never considered myself to be one until I read Pam Farrel’s (Author of The Best Decisions a Woman Can Make – the book study is based on) description of a low-maintenance woman.

Here are a few principles that she taught her boys so they could steer clear of high-maintenance women. (And definitely ones I will be following as well once my boys become of age to start looking for a woman – I thank the Lord THAT is years from now)

“The less clothes a girl has on is directly proportional to the amount of baggage she is carrying emotionally. Little clothes means many bags. She’s a high maintenance woman. A high maintenance woman puts people in no-win situations. For example, she’ll ask, “Do I look fat in this outfit?” If you say yes, she’ll burst out in tears. If you say no, she says, “Oh, you have to say that – you’re married to me” or “You’re only saying that because I’m your friend.”

Here are some of her pointers on how to spot a low-maintenance woman (or LM women):

Either she will be wearing this shirt:

(though, probably not) ;)

OR

• An LM woman doesn’t ask for compliments, but she graciously receives them when given.
• An LM woman knows that winning and whining are spelled differently and should never be used interchangeably.
• An LM woman doesn’t try to wear you down. Instead, she seeks to build you up.
• An LM woman follows as well as she leads.
• An LM woman is more interested in the team working than the theme working.
• An LM woman knows how to use make-up, but she doesn’t hide behind it.
• An LM woman believes personal happiness is a benefit, not a goal or a right.
• An LM woman accepts a man’s input without needing his attention.
• An LM woman appreciates her girlfriend’s input but doesn’t need her approval.
• An LM woman realizes that a bad hair day, a broken nail, a run in the panty hose, or a change in plans are a natural part of the ebb and flow of life, not the makings of a tragic epic suitable for a TV miniseries.

Did any of those stand out to you and you thought…eesh…I think I’m high-maintenance in that area! I know that a few stuck out to me. The one that stuck out the most to me personally is that I am certainly guilty at times of thinking that I have a “right to be happy”. I’m also not a huge fan of “a change in plans”.

Home and Family

What are the two sources of significance that we rationalize the most in our heads?

You probably guessed…home and family (and the title of this section would imply)

The question is…do we value our homes and our children TOO much. Is it possible to value them TOO much? Our home for sure…easy; but our children? I know that it doesn’t seem possible but if we are truly honest and if we truly want to be authentic women, we have to say…yes, there are definitely a lot of times that I put my children before ANYTHING. Before my husband…before God…when that happens, we are valuing them TOO much (I have to admit that even saying that makes me cringe). I am guilty of this in the third degree and if it was illegal, I’d be on death row.

Moms, are we putting our relationship with God and our husbands at risk because we are completely wrapped up with our children? And please understand what we're talking about here...we're not talking about not loving our kids...we're talking about really loving them by teaching them how to get our priorities in order. And do you know that by having our priorities in order which is God first, our marriage second and our children third, we are actually giving them MORE security?! I know, crazy right? ;)

Pam Farrel gives an example in the book about a woman in the Bible who was barren. She longed for a child, waited for a child, prayed and begged God for a child. Hannah vowed to give the child back to God if He would miraculously place a baby in her barren womb. God took her up on the offer and Hannah conceived and bore Samuel. When he was my son’s age (preschool), she made good on her promise and gave Samuel back to God. He grew up under Eli’s care and became one of Israel’s most celebrated faithful priests.

“I think that it is the very act of *giving our children back to God that allows us to be a tool that God can use to grow them. When we hang on too tightly, our children can become possessions of our hearts rather than precious creations in God’s hands.”

(*mentally, not physically - just to clarify)

“Ask yourself: “Do I use my children as a shield, a way to get out of personal growth activities like Bible studies, ministries, or volunteer work that would help me discover God or discover the gifts and abilities He’s entrusted to me? Am I hiding behind my kids because I have areas I feel insecure in, like interpersonal relationships or leadership?”

Um yeah, truth be told, I am sure that I do that at times…

This next paragraph was like one of these super annoying stink bugs in our home…and I heard it buzzing before I saw it and then…it dive bombed my head.

“Has your home become a showplace rather than a source of ministry? Our homes should be places of order, neat enough to live an organized life. But they should also be places in which anyone would be welcome. How welcome does a toddler feel in your home – or a teen?”

OH. MAN.

First, let me preface this by saying that in no way do I think that my home is a “showplace”. It has a lot of work that needs to be done and it is often times very messy. HOWEVER, that question…”How welcome does a toddler feel in your home – or a teen?” ...

Uh, I’m guilty.

My children have recently been charging me. I’m a “no mom”. "No honey, I don’t want you playing with that right now (loosely translated EVER)". "No honey, we’re not going to get into that this minute.” “No, for the thousandth time, we are not going to grandmas today!”

No. No. NO.

I want to change all of that. I want my toddlers and preschoolers to feel WELCOME in my home.

I want to be more of a “yes mom” like Ann.

Yes, you can ride your bike (even though Mommy really wants to be inside doing what I need/want to do)

Yes, you can help me make the cookies (even though when you stir, you have a tendency to spray flour all overly my just washed floor)

Yes, you can break out the Legos and spread them all out in the living room (even though the idea of finding them 6 months later gives me heart palpitations)

YES, I love you more than I love a clean house and peace and quiet.

And yes, let's take this time to sit down together (even though I have a million things to do) and let Mommy tell you about Jesus...

This has been something that has really been on my heart lately, if you can’t tell.

Anyway...

It’s about NOT seeking significance in our earthly treasures but in the one and only real heavenly treasure, CHRIST.

“We don’t have to hype ourselves up by depending on a title, material possessions, power, or position. You don’t have to grapple or claw to hold onto a symbol of prestige. This is a book (or blog study) about attitudes – most importantly, God’s attitude toward you. As you come to believe His opinions about you, they will change your attitudes about yourself. Your foundation is secure. You don’t have to go searching for significance – you already have a part in His plan!”

“As you get to know God, He will help you know yourself and know His significant plan for your unique life. When our significance is developed in our relationship with Him, we are free to be good moms, good wives, good career people – and our ability to be good in those areas will come because we don’t need them for our identity. Because we don’t need them, we can be servant and not think of ourselves so much. THEN God can use us.”

Let us all learn to trade in our fears and weaknesses for God’s strength and character.

Isaiah 61:3

A crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of splendor.

I want a splendid life, how about you?

“Decide you want to be authentic. Be the best you that God intended, and trade in the ashes of false sources of significance for the REAL DEAL. God’s power will work through you because of your relationship with Him.”